“We highlight ten signature moments, one from each of the ten years of the first decade of the RSC Podcast, that best represent the scope of what we’ve attempted to do week after week. Featuring behind the scenes conversations showcasing how our shows are created, in-depth interviews with comedians, directors, authors, and award-winning actors, and invaluable audio records of talented and wonderful artists who left us far too soon. (Length (31:00)
We traveled a lot in 2016 — China, Qatar, Edinburgh, all across the US — and we barely made it home in time for the holidays. Let our own Austin Tichenor tell you what happened…
‘Twas a night before Christmas, with such snow and rain Not a creature was stirring, including my plane. My carry-on was stowed in the overhead with care In hopes this last-minute flight would still get me there,
But with all of the lightning and thunder and showers We sat on that runway for hours and hours. What should have been only a two-hour flight Was becoming a journey that might take all night.
It didn’t start well. First, my Uber was late Then the airport was mobbed, which wasn’t so great And they gave me a middle seat, which was really a drag And charged forty-five dollars to check in my bag!
And then at security—so much emotion! They unwrapped my presents! Made me throw out my lotion! And then when it looked like I’d just about make it— The T S A groped me and laughed at me naked.
I boarded last but that wasn’t the worst I walked past the snobs who were sitting in First And sat through the safety shpiel, which is always a bore— Is there anyone who hasn’t fastened a seat belt before?!
They charged for a blanket, charged for a pillow Charged for a headset, and a seat in the exit row And just when it looked like things couldn’t get more black The jackass in front of me leaned all the way back.
So: They ran out of food, they would not let us fly They would not take us back, and would not tell us why! It really looked like we would never get going— Oh, and that’s when the toilets began overflowing.
But out on the runway there arose such a clatter I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter! Across my companion I reached like a flash Said, “get outa my way,” and threw up the sash–
And what to my wondering eyes should appear But a crazed flight attendant holding peanuts—and beer! He’d high-jacked the food truck so lively and quick I knew in a moment he’d arrived in the nick
Of time. He pounded quite hard on the emergency door; He forced his way in, and he got on the blower. He said, “People! You’re the victims, you’re not to blame But I’ll tell you who is!” And he called them by name:
“On Delta! United! American, too! On Southwest! Lufthansa! Aloha! JetBlue! On Qantas! On Virgin! Alaska! Cathay! SunCountry! ExpressJet! On British Airways!
On Frontier! On Spirit! On New Zealand Air! To all of you airlines we hereby declare Whether we fly frequently, or just now and then— WE ARE NEVER FLYING WITH YOU EVER AGAIN!”
And before the sky marshal could tazer him down He pulled the emergency slide and slid to the ground. As he did he knocked drinks and snacks off the shelf And I cheered when he did it in spite of myself.
We now could take off, with that nut off the plane; We soon would be home and never see him again. But I heard him exclaim as they dragged him away in the night “Merry Christmas to all, they just cancelled your flight!”
“Critic’s Choice!” Boston Globe. “Brought down the house with gales of laughter.” Theatre Mirror. The fruitcakes of the Reduced Shakespeare Company take you on an irreverent yet heartwarming trip through the holidays in The Ultimate Christmas Show (abridged). It’s festive funny physical family fun as these Three Wise Guys send-up and celebrate your favorite winter holiday traditions. Let the RSC rekindle the joy, inner-child and familial dysfunction inside us all! Now On Tour >
“Just in time for the holidays comes this weird new classic. From Twisted Christmas Live in Santa Rosa, California, Reed Martin reads David Templeton’s dark holiday tale The Most Dangerous Christmas. Featuring an excerpt from The Reduced Shakespeare Company Christmas and rain on the rooftop! (MP3. Length 18:58)
Long-time fan Sebastian Singer wondered where he could get his hands on the lyrics to the RSC’s Reduced Time-Saving Christmas Carol that we sing on The Reduced Shakespeare Company Christmas. Since the lyrics aren’t published anywhere else, we thought we might as well make them available to everyone here. You can sing along: it’s Track 10 on the RSC Christmas CD, “Carol Complaint Line”. Enjoy!
JINGLE BELLS KING WENCESLAS
FA-LA-LA-LA, THE FIRST NOEL
THE OX AND LAMB KEPT TIME AS GOOD AS THEY SMELLED
O CHRISTMAS TREE OF BETHLEHEM
O SILENT O HOLY NIGHT THE HERALD ANGELS SING
AWAY IN A MANGER BRIGHT….
HALLELUJAH! AND HANUKKAH!
SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT, TWO BITS!